Today I celebrate my oldest girl turning 10!
TEN YEARS OLD!!
When did that happen?!
As I sit back here reminiscing about these past 10 years,I am still in awe with this beautiful girl of mine.
You see, I never imagined or saw myself as a mother. That wasn’t my ‘dream’. When you grow up the way I did, that just didn’t seem like an option. I grew up with drug and alcoholic parents, lived in trailer parks and in poverty. My family was uneducated, and unfortunately with addicts, your priorities are not right.
So why would I want to become a mother when I had no idea what a healthy, responsible parent really looked like.
When I found out I was pregnant with Jasmine I was terrified. Wondered if I had the ‘gene’ of being a bad parent. What if I didn’t “do it right?”
You see, I read every single book about babies, and delivery and pregnancy. But there was no book about being a good mother.
And then she was born.
And I knew my life would be forever changed.
I may not have had anyone to look up to as a good parent, but that day, 10 years ago, I became a mother. I saw her eyes, and I knew that there would never be anything more important that her. I didn’t need a book to teach me that.
By the time she was turning 3, I found myself divorced and a newly single parent to her and her sister who was 15 months younger. While I felt like a failure, I knew I had to keep the promises I did to Jasmine (and her sister), when I was laying in that hospital bed. That I would guide her in this journey called life the best way I could.
And I did.
For years, I raised them on my own, and I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. Until my husband came into our lives.
Jasmine has been my rock for so long. So many times, she would come and wipe my tears when she found me crying and telling me I would be ok. She supports me, and is my biggest fan. The day she made me a mother, she made me a better person. She gave my life a purpose.
Now, she is 10 years old. She is so incredibly smart. Loves to read and absolutely loves Harry Potter and Minecraft. She loves roller derby. She genuinely loves her family and others. She is helpful and caring. Oh, and she is a big ol’ weirdo. And she is proud of that. I can’t think of one thing that she struggles with, except she doesn’t like being wrong and can be hard on herself.
Happy Birthday Jasmine. I love you to the moon and back. Always.